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Fearing an Audience of One, S.J. Blogs about Sex

Back seat of a Morris

Here I am, starting a blog, adding to all the noise out there, and wondering how the heck I’ll get anyone to notice little ol’ me. Will I have to be content with an audience of one? Or, will I find THE POWER OF ONE? (Loved that novel!)

Epiphany! I’ll talk about sex.

“Oh, oh!” says my interior voice (MIV). “You’re in trouble now. Expect lots of spam saying you need to grow a bigger penis.” (FYI: I don’t have one, and, frankly, I don’t miss it one bit.)

What do I have to say about sex?

“Sweetie,” says MIV, “there ain’t enough room here for all you’d like to say.”

Fine. I just want to say two things (for now):

1.    sex changes in a long-term relationship, and

2.    I have a great deal of compassion for people who can’t enjoy it.

Even in a novel of 80,000-100,000 words, there’s not enough room to say everything you’d like to say about an issue if you want to stick to the story rather than write an essay. So, you use/create triggers in the story to insert little snippets or hints, and you hope that some readers will “get” it.

In ANGRY ENOUGH TO KILL, Helena, a minor character, has sex with…!!!!her husband!!!! It’s a funny scene (I hope—sex is hilarious, don’t you think?), plants a red herring in the story, and contrasts the way a woman who has never been sexually abused reacts to sex…to Loring, my heroine, who is an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

The hint about the way sex can change during a long-term relationship is in the meme/image above, i.e., “…tearing one off like there’s no tomorrow and them thinking it would always be like that.”

Because that’s the way we think at the beginning of a relationship, right? The sex is hot and heavy and breathless (even when you’re sitting at your office desk trying to get some work done), and you want it. NOW! And you’re hoping, beyond all hope, that it will always be like this.

Not likely. Studies have shown that the absolutelyeffinglylovely passion in a relationship lasts, on average, from three to five years.

“Proof positive that there is no God,” says MIV.

After that, the passion comes and goes, depending on what’s happening in your life and in your relationship. I’m not a sex therapist so I’ll leave out the advice on how to keep the passion in your relationship. But when you first notice that something is changing, man or woman, you mourn. Big time.

As for my compassion?More's the pity

 

Childhood sexual abuse isn’t the only potential cause of sexual dysfunction, of course. Health, a generally repressed childhood, a rape, stress, an uncaring partner…the causes are likely infinite…but having enjoyed sex on many (most!) occasions, my heart goes out to anyone who hasn’t experienced that kind of intimacy and abandon.

Does yours?

[“And that’s enough for now,” says MIV.]

Entrada #1, escrito originalmente en Tuesday 20 January 2015